Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (transcript)

TV Announcer: Mermaidman: Fleet and Forceful. With the ability to assemble and charge the creatures of the deep. Mermaidman: By the power of Neptune! TV Announcer: Mermaidman, with his young associate Barnacleboy, fights for all creatures who live in the sea, against the forces of evil. Villain: Oh, no! The Raging Whirlpool. [baby gives the lollipop] TV Announcer: Mermaidman SpongeBob & Patrick: Yay! Champion of the deep! Woo! SpongeBob: [dressed up as Mermaidman] Come, Barnacleboy. There's evil afoot. Patrick: [dressed up as Barnacleboy] Leaping’ Lampreys, Mermaidman. I'm right behind you. SpongeBob: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy spot their arch enemy, Reflecto, up to no good. Squidward: SpongeBob. SpongeBob: You know what this means. Patrick: Donuts. SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooohh. SpongeBob: By the power of Neptune. [Patrick bites into the donut] SpongeBob & Patrick: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy, unite! SpongeBob: Creatures of the deep, assemble! [both go into deep thinking] Think… harder… Barnacleboy. [jellyfish swims by] Here they come. [Squidward blows jellyfish away] SpongeBob: Blast, Reflecto has become too powerful. Squidward: [under a tent] What the? Ohh! SpongeBob: If Reflecto is cut off from sunlight, he becomes weak. Patrick: Jumping Jellyfish, Mermaidman. Hes destroying the shield. SpongeBob: Quick, Barnacleboy, back to the sea cave. Patrick: Right, Mermaidman. Squidward: [door knocks] SpongeBob! SpongeBob, open up! SpongeBob: Reflecto has found our secret lab. Patrick: What would the real Mermaidman do? Squidward: Why don't you go ask him yourself? SpongeBob: Elaborate, you vile fiend. Squidward: He and Barnacleboy live in the retirement home on the other side of town. SpongeBob: Hmm, they must be working undercover. Squidward: Yeah…now please leave me alone. SpongeBob & Patrick: [Patrick bites into the donut again] Mermaidman and Barnacleboy, reunite! [At Shady Shoals Retirement Home] SpongeBob: Excuse me, I know that Mermaidman is working undercover on an important case, but you think we can see him? Manager: Undercover? Yeah…well, I'll see if they can take time from their busy schedule to see you. [SpongeBob and Patrick laughing as they walk in] There they are. Right over there. [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp] Manager: Try not to surprise them. SpongeBob: Patrick! Can you believe it? Patrick: [holding onto SpongeBob] Mermaidman and Barnacleboy in the flesh! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk in front of the TV] Barnacleboy: Hey, who are those guys? Mermaidman: Uhh, are they here to fix the TV? Barnacleboy: What do you want? SpongeBob: Are you Mermaidman and Barnacleboy? Barnacleboy: Well, we used to be. But now we're retired. SpongeBob: But you can't retire! There's evil afoot. Mermaidman: Wha? Evil! EEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL! [hanging on a flower] Barnacleboy! Come quick, cause there's evil! SpongeBob: All I said that there was evil afoot. Mermaidman: EEEEEEEEVIIIIL! EEEEEEEEVIIIIL! E… Barnacleboy: Would you please stop saying that? Mermaidman: [hanging on a water fountain] EVIL! EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL! [water squirts at him] Death Ray! [manager comes and throws SpongeBob and Patrick out] SpongeBob: Wow, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. Patrick: It's too bad they're old. SpongeBob: What do you mean, Patrick? Old people are the greatest. They're full of wisdom and experience. [captain gives a thumbs up and the Jurassic Park theme plays] The world needs Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. Someone, somewhere, is in trouble, and I wont rest until Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are out of retirement. [fireworks appear] Patrick: Ooh! Pretty lights! [At The homes cafeteria] Mermaidman: To the meatloaf! To the broccoli! Make sure you give extra broccoli to my young ward. The boy needs his vitamins. Cafeteria Lady: Here you go, son. Haha. Mermaidman: To the table, away! Barnacleboy: Careful! Don't run! SpongeBob: Hey, Mermaidman. Mermaidman: Uh, here comes the TV repairman. Barnacleboy: What do you want from us? SpongeBob: Hold on. Just let me look at ya. Mermaidman: Stay alert, Barnacleboy. He… he's up to something. Barnacleboy: Will you cut… will you stop calling me "boy"? SpongeBob: Do you remember the time the food supply in Atlantis was running low? So you invited a ray gun that makes things grow six times their size to shoot at the kelp gardens. But then the evil Man Ray swoops down and swipes the gun away and shoots all the algae. And he globs on the undersea gum. And he starts sucking up the glass. Barnacleboy: What's your point, kid? SpongeBob: You guys are the greatest heroes of all time, and I think you should come out of retirement. Mermaidman: Listen up, you villains. I wanna eat my meatloaf. If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. Manager: What is going on in here? Mermaidman: You may kiss the bride! [SpongeBob gets kicked out] Patrick: Did you re-unite our heroes? SpongeBob: No, but I'm married. [Back at the retirement home] Mermaidman: Up, up, and away. Up, up, and away. SpongeBob: [dressed up as a woman] Oh, my. This purse is so big and heavy. Patrick: [dressed up as the bad guy robber] Hold it right there, ma’am. I'll be taking that. SpongeBob: Aah! Help! Help! Help! Patrick: It's working. SpongeBob: [Barnacleboy comes over to him] Why, are you here to rescue little ol me? Barnacleboy: Pipe down! You could wake Mermaidman and he's awary when his nap is disturbed. SpongeBob: Ever alert, Mermaidman has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open. Barnacleboy: Confound it, get away from him! Mermaidman: Stop shoutin. I'm nappin!! Barnacleboy: It's not me, you ol coot! Retired Elderly #1: Yes. Retired Elderly #2: That's me. Retired Elderly #3: I'm over here. SpongeBob: Excuse me, Mermaidman. Mermaidman: What do you want? Barnacleboy: This better be good. SpongeBob: This'll cheer you up. We're almost done painting your invisible boatmobile. Barnacleboy: Gah! It's suppose to be invisible! That's it! We gotta end our life of leisure. Time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot. Mermaidman: EVIL! Where is it? Barnacleboy: There it is! [points at SpongeBob & Patrick] You know what this means? [opens up box with shiny rings] Mermaidman: Donuts! Barnacleboy: Oh, brother. [puts ring on Mermaidman and then they put them together, but it doesn't work, so they do it again, but it doesn't work] Say the oath. Mermaidman: [in his young voice] Mermaidman and Barnacleboy, UNITE! [they put the rings together, and this time it works] Throw a waterball at ‘em! SpongeBob & Patrick: Waterballs! Waterballs! [Barnacle Boy throws waterball at SpongeBob] Patrick: Hehehehehe. Barnacle Boy: Mumbling mories. It's not working, Mermaid Man. Mermaid Man: He-he's-he's absorbing it like some kind of EVIL SPONGE! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Dogpaddle away! Patrick: It's the waging whirlpool. [SpongeBob and Patrick cheer] Mermaid Man: Those fiends. They're actually enjoying it. SpongeBob & Patrick: Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Barnacle Boy: Now what, Mermaid Man? We need help! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Sea creatures, unite! [sea creatures are retired so they come slowly] Barnacle Boy: Hmm, the creatures of the deep seem to have lost some of their luster. Mermaid Man: Sea creatures, attack! [sea creatures pick up SpongeBob & Patrick] SpongeBob: Mission accomplished, Patrick. Patrick: Yeah, we did it. [sea creatures throw them out] Mermaid Man: I did it. I feel 5 years younger. Oh, it's good to be back! Barnacle Boy: We did it, you ol coot. Mermaid Man: Who are you? TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We join our heroes locked in a battle of wits. [Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy play checkers when phone rings] Mermaid Man: Its the Aqua phone! What is it, Chief? Uhh, hello? Hello? Hello? ["HANG UP!" appears] The phone is still broken. Remind me to get that fixed. ["SIT!" appears] Barnacle Boy: Remind you of what? Mermaid Man: Remind me of what? TV Announcer: Will our heroes ever get their phone fixed? Tune in next week and find out. SpongeBob: Wow. That was even better than the old show. Patrick: It's all thanks to you. [SpongeBob winks; "WINK!" appears]

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