Accidents Will Happen (transcript)
(Transitions to the Krusty Krab, which is surrounded by boats. In his office, Mr. Krabs is checking his money records. He hears shouting from outside)
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. Sounds like a mutiny. (he goes outside and gasps) What the-?! (The restaurant is filled with customers shouting angrily) What in Neptune's knickers is this?! (A customer grabs him)
Customer: Where's the dude in the boat, man? WHERE'S THE DUDE IN THE BOAT?!
Mr. Krabs: Ooooooh! You mean Mr. Squidward. (he turns and points) Well, he's at his post right over the- (the wooden boat is empty) Where's me cashier?! (He looks down at the customer, who's still holding his arm. He glares at him, and pulls his arm away. Mr. Krabs bursts into the kitchen) SPONGEBOB! Where in Poseidon's pattyhole is that sorry excuse for a cashier?
SpongeBob: "Sorry excuse for a cash-?" Oooooh! You mean Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Yes. I mean Squidward. WHERE IS HE?!
SpongeBob: He's in the storage room. Says he's working on something requiring... (in a whisper) ...complete privacy.
Mr. Krabs: Oooooh. He requires privacy, does he? (the sound of a chain snapping is heard, followed by a loud crash. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs burst into the storage room) What's all the ruckus?! (A shelf has partially collapsed, and there are buns scattered in a heap all over the floor. Squidward emerges from the pile, rubbing his head and groaning. Mr. Krabs gasps) Oh no! Please, no! This is terrible! (he bursts into tears) Are you hurt?
Squidward: Oh, well. Thank you for ask-
Mr. Krabs: I wasn't talking to you! (He picks up some of the buns) Don't worry, papa's here. (he bursts into tears again)
Squidward: Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs continues sobbing) Mr. Krabs! (Mr. Krabs sobs even louder) MR. KRABS! (he stops sobbing) Your shelf collapsed on me, and I twisted my ankle. (He lifts up his tentacle, which is badly twisted)
Mr. Krabs: I didn't even know you had ankles.
Squidward: As if working here wasn't bad enough, now I've been injured on the job.
Mr. Krabs: Injured? On the job?! Oh no! That would mean...
SpongeBob: It's all right here, Mr. Krabs. (Mr. Krabs turns and looks as SpongeBob moves some boxes aside to reveal a poster with "OWS" written on it) The Bikini Bottom OWS Worker Safety Guidlines. Let's see, it says here...blah blah blah blah, "accident"... blah blah blah blah, "owner negligence"... blah blah blah blah, "substantial fines".
Mr. Krabs: Substantial fines?! (he turns back to Squidward, laughing nervously) You know, Squidward... uh... I can't really let the OWS hear about this, you know. (laughs nervously. Squidward smirks)
Squidward: Really? Well, maybe I should give them a call. (picks up a phone)
Mr. Krabs: Well now, Squidward! (laughs nervously) Let's not be hasty! (Squidward puts down the phone) I'll take care of your poor little ankle personally. (he turns around) SpongeBob! Squidward needs first aid!
(SpongeBob looks delighted)
SpongeBob: First aid? Fear not, injured co-worker, (he runs over to Squidward, now wearing a hospital hat and jacket and a stethoscope) for I am certified.
Squidward: Oh, no no no, don't touch me! (SpongeBob grabs Squidward's nose and runs his stethoscope over it) SpongeBob, would you mind letting go of my nose?
SpongeBob: Oh, sure. (h'e lets go of Squidward's nose, and it flies back, hitting Squidward)
Squidward: Ow! (he takes the end of SpongeBob's stethoscope and shouts into the end of it) GET AWAY FROM ME!!!
Mr. Krabs: (screams) Please don't report me to the OWS. I'l do anything. Anything for you.
Squidward: Hmm? Anything? (cuts to scene where Mr. Krabs lays squidward down)
Mr. Krabs: Now if you need anything, just let me now.
Squidward: I could sure use a pillow.
Mr. Krabs: Ok.
Squidward: And another one for my foot. Fluff it.
Mr. Krabs: (angered) What did you say?
Squidward: I said, "fluff it."
Mr. Krabs: (mocking tone) fluff your pillow, I'll fluff your pillow.
Squidward: (angered) What?
Mr. Krabs: Oh nothing.
Squidward: And also, looks like you'll have to take over for me.
Mr. Krabs: Well, at least there's not that much customers anyway. (anchovies meep) Of course. (cuts to seen when Spongebob holds a clipboard)
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, I finished the OWS report. Question 1: Was the accident the cause of criminal negligence. (Mr. Krabs screams) Mr. Krabs, what is criminal negligence.
Mr. Krabs: It's what criminals wear when they go to bed. (whispering) I think Mr. Squidward is hiding something from us, and I want you to figure out what it is.
Spongebob: Can do, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Shhhh. (whispering) You gotta keep it a secret from Squidward. (Cuts to scene where Spongebob tries to figure out the cause of the accident)
Spongebob: Hmm? Huh? If I'm gonna solve this problem, I'm gonna need an assistant. (Cuts to scene where Patrick is shown) Ok, when you take a bun, I'm gonna hit you with the shelf. (Patrick shouts) Looks like we'll have to do it again.
Patrick: Uhh, do what again? Ow!
Spongebob: Ok, one more time.
Patrick: Ow! (cuts to scene where Squidward relaxes on Krusty Krab roof)
Squidward: After tea, I'd like a tentacle massage.
Mr. Krabs: I ain't touching your tentacles with a 10-ft ankling.
Squidward: (on phone) Hello, I'd like a tentacle massage....(Mr. Krabs chews on phone)
Mr. Krabs: I'll be right back. How's the solution coming?
Spongebob: Not happening yet, but we're working on it. (Mr. Krabs sighs)
Squidward: (clearing throat) I'm waiting!
Mr. Krabs: Coming!
Bill: (clearing throat) Anybody there? Hello?
Mr. Krabs: (angered, muttering) Oh, for the love of peat moss.
Bill: Uh aren't you gonna wash your......(groaning)
Mr. Krabs: how long do I need to keep this up?
Squidward: Oh, it's gonna be a long full recovery. Plus, don't forget about my back barnacles. (Mr. Krabs screams & then cries) (customers mutter in anger)
OWS Manager: Office Working Society.
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Squidward, after all I've done for you, you've called the OWS.
Spongebob: He didn't call him Mr. Krabs, we did. We wanted to find out what the real problem is. Right Patrick?
Patrick: Uh, breakfast, green, finland. (cuts to scene where they all investigate the accident)
OWS Manager: So, this is where the accident occured. Would anyone tell me what happened.
Squidward: I'll be glad to. (in depair) I mean, I can live the whole tragic episode, if I must. It was just another day at the Krusty Krab, when suddenly I saw, a paaty bun with 10 seeds instead of 11. May I take that?
Bill: What a nice and charming individual.
Squidward: But then, I tripped and feel, and then I cried for help. (crying) Help! Help! But the worst part was that I didn't get that kind gentleman his new bun.
OWS Manager: Oh, I see. As you know, certain penalties are involved. (types random numbers while Mr. Krabs cries) Uh, $1.00.
Mr. Krabs: (blinking, gasping) No!! Oh, Why, why, why?! (gasps) Hold on a sec. that's my security servalance camera.
Squidward: (shocked) What?!
Mr. Krabs: I forgot. I borrowed that from the airport. Now, let's see what really happened. (gasps) You!! Ffffaker. Not to mention that you were sleeping on the job! (sighs deeply)
Squidward: What are you gonna do?
Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna make you pay.
Squidward: Oh, no! (cuts to scene where Krabs gets pampered. Krabs sighs. Squid gasps. Squid screams)
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